T.I.S.I. by The Blogists: Do We Really Have To?

Here we are again.

So, the last time I posted (which was also the first time I posted! I think that's a paradox), I said that I would get to introductions later. So, this is me getting to introductions...

I, the writer of this blog (shorthand [which is short-hand for short hand] for weblog) have a goal of entertaining other people. I think the reason for this is that I have low self-esteem and find it soothing to hear other people praise me. So I decided that I'd write a blog. And since I don't know anything about anything that anyone cares about, I decided that I'd write about things that I care about. Or at least I'll be writing about things that get on my nerves. Not because I'm selfish. It's because I don't know you that well. I'd write about things that you want to know about but... how would I know what that is? You've never even said "Hello" to me.

Speaking of "Hello", one of the most famous motion picture quotes ever begins and ends with the word "Hello". Jerry (played by Tom Cruise) and Dorothy (played by Renee Zellweger) fall in love because this is what every single Hollywood movie is actually about, even if it's beneath the surface. They get married but Jerry is a bit distant because he's preoccupied with his career. They break up, Jerry comes to save the day and he's says (here's the line) "Hello" and continues "You complete me" to which Dorothy responds "You had me at Hello".

It was very romantic. Or was it? I don't get it. Why do we even say hello? Why don't we just start talking? Why didn't Jerry just say "I'm looking for my wife" and then when he sees her "You complete me". I should point out that in some languages, they don't even have a word for "Hello". They just say "Good day". Wishing someone a good day is a much more pleasant pleasantry than just acknowledging that another human being exists in the same space as yourself.

I guess in some contexts it makes sense though. For instance, when you answer the phone. If you didn't have a way to start the conversation you wouldn't know if anyone was even there or listening. So phone calls could turn into people just talking to themselves. This is one of only two or three scenarios where saying "Hello" is necessary.

Here are situations it's used where it's NOT necessary but continues to be used because of tradition or something:

At the beginning of a blog
At the beginning of an email
At the beginning of a Facebook post
When passing someone you know in the hallway
When passing someone you don't know in the hallway
At the checkout line at walmart ( I have a separate rant about this)
When you send me an Instant Message for no reason other than to say "Hello"

Think about it. Why would you say hello in these situations?
I'm not only confused about the word "Hello" but also other common pleasantries or formalities including but not limited to:

Hey
What's up?
'Sup?
Head nod indicating person is saying 'Sup?
How are you?
Whatcha doin'?
How's it hangin'?
Good to see you

Some of you may like some or all of these formalities. Some of you shouldn't because these formalities are dumb. I will explain why by translating these words into their actual meanings...

Hey = I'm acknowledging your existence
Hello = I'm acknowledging your existence
What's up? = I am trying to sound cool and I'm acknowledging your existence
'Sup? = I am either a tool or I'm too lazy to form actual words and I'm acknowledging your existence
Head nod indicating "'Sup?' = I'm super lazy and I'm a tool and I'm acknowledging your existence
How are you? = I'm acknowledging your existence
Whatcha doin'? = I'm nosey
How's it hangin' = I like attention
Good to see you = It's not good to see you

These are generalizations, but accurate much of the time.

The meanings change a bit depending on the context. The ones that are questions can be sincere but they are absolutely not sincere if you're at the office.

Now that you've read through this you probably think that I never say these things. Not true. I do say them. Why? Depending on the context I may actually care how someone is feeling, I may care to let them know that I realize they are walking by me in the hallway, I may be glad to see them and would have missed them if they weren't there, I may want to know what is up. But most of the time, I'd be rude if I didn't follow the rules of human interaction and I have low self esteem and want people to acknowledge my existence.

(Sigh)