Wash Yo Hands!

This is a Public Service Announcement brought to you by common sense.

WASH! YOUR! HANDS!

Women, this may surprise you, but men are disgusting creatures. Not all men mind you (not that I could name one that is not), but most men are disgusting. Let me tell you why...

Now, I don't like bathroom humor. It's not my thing. It's just undignified if you ask me. But what I'm about to tell you is very serious. It's not a joke. I'm not mentioning because I want to, but rather because I must in order for the human race as we know it to survive. Many men do not wash their grimy hands after using the lavatory. *Crowd gasps*. I know, I know. I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this. Believe me. I am probably breaking the "Guy code", or "dude code" or "Bro code" depending on where you live, but I'm sorry dudes, guys, and bros. You've gotta start washing your hands. 

I work at an office. You'd think that offices are cleaner than just about any other work location other than a hospital (Ha ha. Yeah right. Hospitals are gross), but they're not. Each time you touch a doorknob, a keyboard, a mouse, a person's hand, the refrigerator, the apple you're about to bite into, KNOW THIS! It has urine on it. *Phew*. I'm sorry, to me "urine" is a curse word. I had to tell you though. Let me explain what happens in the "Men's" restroom (I quoted "Men's" because real men care about people other than themselves). It goes something like this:

*Door flies open without regard for who might be on other side*

Jim - "BOB! What's up? Monday sucks man! Arrrrgh the boss has been on my back about those reports"

Bob - "Oh I know it man. He's been on me about that too. I gotta drop a deuce ("deuce" is a colloquialism for... well, you know).

Jim - Alright, I gotta drop off the Browns at the Superbowl too

Let me break character for a moment here. I am extremely uncomfortable about telling all of you about this. Ok, back to the story

*Fart noises escape from each stall*

Jim - Bob, what did you eat for breakfast, man?

Bob - Wooooooooooo! You don't wanna know, man.

*Flush*

Some time later, Bob, and eventually the respectable Jim will exit the stalls and high five. After this they will ( I must stress the fact that I am absolutely NOT making this up) exit the rest room without even thinking of washing their hands.

Wow, I am so sorry that you just read all of that. Truly, this is the kind of thing that has to be done though. Like, when a father needs to explain the birds-and-the-bees to his son. Or when Jim and Bob's boss needs to fire them. It simply must be done for the human race to continue living.

These men have absolutely no regard for human life at all. Seriously. This is so disgusting that it makes me want to wear gloves all the time. And on top of those gloves, I want to put another pair of gloves. And then I want to pour acid onto those gloves, then gasoline, light them on fire, and then throw myself from the nearest bridge into a river of Purell . Have these guys ever thought about the fact that if they are dumb enough to do this that other men are doing it too? No. They haven't.