Why does the world hate me?

"Dear world,
Why do you hate me so much?
Regards
-Me"

That was a short but very sincere letter I actually wrote to the world last week. I still have not received a response from The World, and now I'm getting pretty ticked.

At least it could respond and explain why the things that happen to me are happening.

Here's what I mean:

I really like to be on time to things. Like a lot. But my problem is, I'm extremely disorganized and more importantly, I'm addicted to sleeping in. I lie to myself every night and say

"Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow is the day when you'll actually wake up when you promised you would and get something done in the morning."

And every morning I lie to myself and say

"If you just sleep for ten more minutes you'll be ready to get up".

Why not just get up when the alarm goes off? Are those last ten minutes really going to help me make it through the day? Am I really going to die if I don't get at least 10 more minutes? No. But somehow I convince myself of this every single morning. Sound familiar? Good. Because if it didn't, you'd be what normal people call "a morning person". I'll rant about them another time.

What I really want to talk about is how, even though I sleep too much, I still would like to get to work on time. But EVERY SINGLE DAY traffic decides to try to kill me or at least make me even more late. Let me explain...

...At the end of my driveway. I have a gate. On the other side of that gate there's usually nothing. But in the morning when I dash to my car, and click the button to open the gate I check traffic levels as it's opening, I count how many cars go by "One car. Two cars. A guy running". It seems peaceful. But then when I reach the end of the driveway an unstoppable, unending, indefatigable wave of cars driven by automatons deployed by "The World" or possibly the US Government, or possibly the entire race of people shorter than me, immediately reaches the road at the end of my driveway. I can't get out. I'm trapped! Every single day I ask myself "What would have happened if I had walked out the door 15 seconds earlier?" I can't help but think that no matter what I would have done, traffic would have met me at the end of my Driveway to Hell.

If you ask a "logical" person why this happens everyday, they'd lie and say "Well it just seems like it happens everyday because you remember things more when they frustrate you". They just say that because the world doesn't hate them.

Written by individual contributor 
Lane Fries (a.k.a. Dr. Freeze)