Grammar. We use it everyday. Well, some of us do. More educated people tend to use proper grammar more frequently. Everyone should know that. If you understand and believe that smarter people use proper grammar, wouldn't you also want to use proper grammar? You should. It would make you sound, and/or look smarter. I love it when people think I'm smart. I love it because it means I've fooled them and that is a lot of fun.
Also, I like things to be done the right way. It feels good. If you don't believe me, you should try (disclaimer: you should NOT try this). Go drive down the interstate... ...the wrong way. Trust me, that will not feel good. Or, if you can't drive because your license was revoked for driving down the interstate the wrong way, try something else the wrong way. How about sneezing? Have you ever had snot come into your nose at 150 MPH. Proof that things should be done the right way.
Back to grammar. If you're smart you probably noticed that I said "More educated people tend to use proper grammar more frequently". Did you? Yes? Wow, you're smart. If you're really smart you probably realized that the word "tend" was placed in this sentence deliberately. Did you? Yes? You are on a roll. The reason I said "tend" instead of "always" is because of a certain nationally syndicated educational radio station and some other snotty people I've heard lately. I won't mention any names for reasons I myself don't really understand. Their grievance can be summed up by their improper use of the indefinite article "a". How can you mess up a one letter word? It's the first letter you learn! It's the first letter in the alphabet for Pete's sake. It's tiny and insignificant. Let me explain...
...One sunny morning I was driving to work. I was listening to a nationally syndicated educational broadcast when I heard something out of order.... "Blah blah blah blah an historic event blah blah blah an hotel blah blah".
Now, depending on where you're from, there may not seem to be anything wrong with this. Besides the fact that you should never say "blah blah blah" on a national broadcast, but that's besides the point. The point is, the place that the radio host is from and the place that I am from are one and the same, and we both pronounce the H sound in the word "historic" and the word "hotel". In kindergarten I learned that the indefinite article 'a' is used when the following word begins with a consonant sound and the word 'an' is used when the following word begins with a vowel sound. Apparently, this radio personality, and possibly every other personality on this radio station, missed that day in kindergarten or just flunked kindergarten enough times that they decided to drop out.
If you are from certain parts of Europe, you may not pronounce the H sound at the beginning of any word. In that case, it's cool with me if you say "an hotel".
So, I realize this is a minor grievance but I'm just confused as to where all these educated people got the idea that this is proper grammar. Also, when did it become acceptable to pronounce the word "Nuclear" like this; n ook-yuh-ler. Clearly that's not correct. I don't see how it's even possible to get that pronunciation from a word spelled this way. In this country, I have heard our current President pronounce this word incorrectly more than once, and I am convinced that the previous President is so confident in the pronunciation of this word that he would have corrected me if I said it the correct way.
But fortunately, I have no readers so I'm oblivious to all of my mistakes. So I guess I should be happy that I'm not more popular.
Written by individual contributor
Lane Fries (a.k.a. Dr. Freeze)
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